· How the U.S. economy works, including the often-overlooked role of Adam Sandler.

· Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money.

· Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are, let's be honest, a no-talent loser.

· Why corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider.

· An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel).

· Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key one being: Never buy, or for that matter sell, real estate.

· How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating.

· Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one.

· How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any.

· Estate planning, especially the often-overlooked financial benefits of early death.

But that's only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points in a book written by Donald Trump, so you don't have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip; how to negotiate for everything, including bridge tolls; how to argue with your spouse about money; and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics ("Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot"). Also there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can't afford NOT to buy this book! Probably you need several.